Letting go of the past

From the age of 11 I’ve been abused physically and sexually by women who took advantage of my age and innocence. It took me years to realize how broken and damaged I am.. everyday gets worse as i think about it more and feel completely worthless. Im 19 now and currently failing college and on the verge of dropping out.. i have no path or desire to do anything with my life to be honest. It’s impossible to find motivation for anything. Im carrying so much of the past with me and have tried to move on and forget it but its ridiculously difficult and seems implausible .... any advice or words would be truly appreciated Betsy. I’ll be grateful for anything.

Hi! First of all thank you so much for your message. I’m so sorry you’re feeling badly and hopefully I can help. You say you’ve been abused in the past and it’s taken you years to realize how “broken” you are. Also the more you think about that, the worse you feel and that negative thinking is leading you to want to act on your thoughts of “worthlessness.” Did you know thoughts are “fake news?” We have over 70,000 thoughts every day and they can make or break us depending on which ones we believe in. moreover, did you know 5 other girls could have been abused as you were but think they are NOT broken only that it was a situation that happened to them but not what defines them as damaged? that would mean that their life would not be impacted negatively because of these events that have occurred as yours has. My point is you have a lot of negative thinking about your past which is pulling you down a dark rabbit hole today. Did you know that’s a choice? Have you ever thought something like, I’ve had a rough past but I am choosing to let it empower me instead of thinking of myself as a victim of that awful event? If you haven’t had that thought would you entertain it right now? Take a deep breath, close your eyes and say to yourself…those events were awful but I’m choosing from this moment on not to let them pull me down… Instead I’m deciding  to ask my past to empower me. How does that make you feel? If you say “it would be great but I don’t believe that” I would ask why do you believe the terrible thoughts you’ve had, when you have a choice to believe the wonderful thoughts as well? What makes the awful thoughts more special and true to you? You say you’ve tried to move on from carrying your thoughts from the past with you but it sounds like you’ve continued to focus on those negative thoughts and let them take over your life to a point where you’re considering dropping out of college. Do you see how you’re giving the negative thoughts so much power?… Why? all thoughts are equal so why choose to focus on those? It’s so important to be able to identify thought and identify mood. That means to understand when we are in a low mood we are going to have terrible thoughts and when we are in a good mood we usually have nice good thoughts. Don’t act on any thoughts when you are in a bad mood! This is so important because people don’t know this and are under the false notion that just because we think certain things we have to act on them instead of waiting for an “insight” that usually comes to us when we are relaxed and at peace. Of course we are never exempt from having some bad thoughts or being in low moods but with this understanding we are more able to move in and out of them with ease and grace. Believe me I’ve had my share of wanting to drag my past into the now or beat myself up over things I think I could have done differently but instead I look for the lesson in all of it. Which brought me here right now… Exactly where I’m supposed to be writing to you. It’s also important to forgive the people who hurt you in the past. If you don’t you will be carrying around that burden and it will continue to eat away at you. I’m sending you so much love and light… Be good to yourself. Create a voice in your head which sounds like a cheerleader saying “good job, I believe in you, you can do it!” Positive things like that. And when that negative voice tries to drown it out, say to that voice “stop it! I don’t need you anymore, I’m moving on to fulfill my destiny of greatness!”  I believe in you! take care and please keep me posted. Don’t forget to message me when you’ve graduated college!