When someone says something hurtful...

Hi Betsy! Sometimes I'm having a great day and someone says something mean or negative to me and it ruins the rest of my day. I'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes what was said hurts me so badly that I dwell on it and feel discouraged for days or longer. What can I do to not feel this way? Thank you!

Hi!,

thank you for your question! Firstly I’m sorry you experience this hurt. It’s natural to take things other people say personally and feel sad they are saying something that is critical or just not nice. What I’ve learned is it’s usually about the person saying the mean thing that is having a bad day or feeling badly about themself. The thing they’ve said really has nothing at all to do with us but everything to do with how they are feeling about themself! Also when I heard the phrase “what you think about me is none of my business” I felt my life actually changing. Does this mean I no longer have to feel bad when someone doesn’t like me or is mean? YES! I say instead, “what you think about me is none of my business… Unless it’s good! Then by all means feel free to tell me!” 

So it’s not actually what they are saying to you that ruins your day it’s what you’re thinking about what they’ve said, essentially that they’re right! If they have touched on an insecurity you have, that will make it worse like the saying rubbing salt on a wound. But really it’s giving away our power to let someone have their way with us by simply saying something negative and then allowing that to ruin our day. So I’m inviting you to take back your power! Observe what you’re saying to yourself after they’ve said something mean and understand that it’s a choice to believe what they’ve said or not.  but do your best to let the thought go, that what they said is true because it’s just a thought… Fake news!  If someone says something mean to me the first thing I think is, oh they must be in a really bad mood to be taking it out on me. Because that’s really all it is that’s upsetting you. Not what they said, but your thought that what they said is true. If it does resonate (even though they said it in a mean way) maybe it’s something to consider and work on. We are alway improving and evolving so maybe it was a blessing in disguise but their delivery wasn’t kind. Then what I would say is “Ouch the way you said that hurt, but thank you I’ll take it into consideration.” Also it is such a peaceful existence when we understand that our peace has to come from inside of us not by anything outside. Also understand and observing our (and others) moods and our thinking. Otherwise we will constantly live in a place of angst, and that just doesn’t feel good. Hopefully this helps!

xo Betsy