From Don

Hi Betsy,

I enjoyed your movies way back in the "private school" days. :-) I recently found out my wife cheated while she was away for 4 months. She said it was a 1 time thing and it happened because she got way too drunk. I we have been working it out and doing good, but my question to you is, how can I stay positive. And not dwell in the past and think of this bad event? Trying to move forward.

Thanks, Don

Dear Don,

Firstly thank you for reaching out to me. It’s important to ask for help in our times of need. I commend you for working it out and doing your best to move forward. Here is my best feed back if your intention is to stay in the marriage. Our thoughts create our reality. We have the power to change our thoughts at any given time and look at things differently. Basically to turn our thoughts around. I would suggest to you that if you get past this and really forgive any judgments that what happened "shouldn't have happened" you may have a better marriage then you had before. If we try to change the past or make it “wrong” we will alway live in a state of misery. Better to say to yourself, I don’t know why this happened but it did. What can I learn from this? Maybe compassion for myself and for her, maybe forgiveness. Who knows what kind of person I will evolve into after experiencing these things! What she did was not against you, I doubt it was personal. I believe you can learn from it (those things I mentioned and maybe so much more.) I’m guessing she was feeling lonely and insecure. It really could happen to anyone, none of us are perfect (or we all are) basically we are all the same from my perspective. So next time your thoughts lead you down that “rabbit hole” of judgment tell yourself to stop. Question your thoughts. Why am I doing this to myself right now? Let the negative thought go and replace them with love and appreciation for how well you're doing and how generally happy you are with your wife and your marriage. Good luck!!!

Betsy RussellRelationships